This Land is Iceland, This Land is Your Land

I've been pushing this idea to Lauren for a while but I don't think she'll ever bite - a honeymoon in Iceland!

Come for the culture, stay for the exploding hot springs!

There has been a dramatic collapse in Iceland’s currency - the kronur. So for American money, everything is basically 48% off what it normally is.

For example, a hot dog (an Icelandic specialty) in downtown Reykjavik, is normally 210 kronur. That’s $3.50 in U.S. dollars at last year’s exchange rates, but about $2 today. Do you know how many hot dogs we could eat now?!?!?!?

Flights are cheaper now too. Icelandair recently rolled out steep airfare discounts. Published fares to Iceland are down 22% from a year earlier, and who doesn't like cheap flights to Scandinavia?

Unfortunately, water fountain technology has not yet reached the country.

Something to think (and dream) about.

Real McCoy

Lauren wanted me to show an actual picture of what her ring looks like, so here it is:

So sparkly.

I wasn't able to find a picture of the matching nose ring but will post that as soon as I find it.

Something, Somthing, Hole in One

Lauren knows that I'm always trying to better myself as a person. This means in my job, in my personal life and in my health. So I need to make sure that I maximize every second of every day to the fullest possibility, right?

Then why won't she let us register for this as a wedding gift?!?!?!

Not endorsed by Tiger Woods. John Daly, however, does use this product.

How can I make myself a better golfer if I'm wasting precious seconds on the toilet not golfing? Lauren wasn't able to answer this question and probably never will be.

Out Like a Light

The enemy has shown itself again - fainting at weddings! This time the victim is one of the groomsmen. Poor guy never saw it coming.



Holy schnikes! He went down five steps!

This is an open challenge to the groomsmen at my wedding: faint and tumble down five steps or more and you'll win a prize!

Nautical Theme

I'm so glad Lauren and I are getting married on dry land. Mainly because I get nervous breathing through a snorkel and also because underwater weddings are so passe. Under every tributary, lake, pond, and ocean - everyone's getting married underwater nowadays!

Get original next time, buddy.

Jaws was the best man.

Although, it's not totally out of the question to have a maritime marriage. Look at us in our snorkeling starter kit!

We plan to take off the life preservers for the reception.

Moonwalk in Peace

One of Lauren's favorite jams is PYT (Pretty Young Thing).



Although the first verse sounds like a song I would have written in the third grade after chugging Hawaiian Punch and watching Saved by the Bell.

"Where Did You Come From Lady
And Ooh Won't You Take Me There
Right Away Won't You Baby
Tendoroni You've Got To Be
Spark My Nature
Sugar Fly With Me
Don't You Know Now
Is The Perfect Time
We Can Make It Right
Hit The City Lights
Then Tonight Ease The Lovin' Pain
Let Me Take You To The Max"

RIP (or your home planet or wherever you go)
Michael Jackson '58 - '09

Wheel of Death

Still working on getting fit for the big day. I found this piece of exercise equipment in the neighbor's trash and decided to give it a whirl.

You should never incorporate oranges into exercise equipment.

Big mistake, I think I threw my back out. Who's the genius that came up with this thing anyway? It looks like a bunch of old parts.

Gotta keep working!

I'm a bulletproof tiger!

The House is Ours!

Yipee!!! We finally have a house. Here's an actual pic of the place.

I'm having trouble deciding where to put the Slip n Slide.

All of this couldn't have been done without the great help of loan officers at Wells Fargo.

Here they are, finalizing our paperwork!

Bring on the Stock the Bar Party!

Piper Down!

Some people really lose their minds during the wedding and its planning process. I'm proud to say Lauren has (mostly) kept her cool for the past five months and hopefully this trend will continue for the next two and a half.

This gal below almost made it to the end but then her stupid bagpiper forgot to show up for the reception. What?



I just hope Lauren doesn't react this way if the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain is a few minutes late.

They'll melt your faces off, then they'll offer you tea!

You Nose You Want It

I challenged Lauren to name 50 things wrong with registering for this as a wedding gift and surprisingly, she named 100.

Kleenex not included.

Lauren didn't agree that this nasal soap distribution system promotes anatomy and hygiene awareness. Whatevs. Maybe I can get it as a Christmas present.

Try Clear Eyes

Summer's officially started so that means weddings every weekend. Weddings rock so no complaints from me. Lauren and I have a great time whenever we go to one.

Here's a pic from last June when the missus and I were both in the wedding party for our friends Jerad and Sarah.

She's laughing now but this was the start of my full-nelson move.

Yikes, someone wasn't using the red eye filter. You know who else has red eyes?

Received a can of WD-40 for Father's Day.

Everyone remember to have fun at all the weddings you go to this summer!

If the Ring Fits

Many of you out there haven't caught a glimpse of Lauren's engagement ring yet. Well, you're in for a treat.

Diamonds in ring may not be actual size. Or even 1/96th of the size.

Shopping for Lauren's ring was a lot of fun. It took a couple of quarters but she finally got the one she wanted.

We actually went to Meierotto Midwest Jewelers in North Kansas City. Pretty much all the big shots in town go there to get their bling. I managed to sneak in.

So true, so true.

House and Home

Whew, getting pretty excited about the new crib Lauren and I are about to purchase. It's a fixer upper, but nothing a little TLC can't fix.

Our neighbors are field mice.

OK, a lot of TLC. But this will just give Lauren and I more time to spend together.

About the Ceremony

Pretty excited about the ceremony. We're bringing in the big guns. This guy is going to do the honors for Lauren and I:



Twu wuv in the house.

Heat Wave

Yikes, it's getting hot outside! Today was especially nasty in Kansas City. The high was 91 but it felt like 103.

I checked the Farmer's Almanac and September 18 has looked pretty good the past five years. No need to pack your parkas or mukluks because of the cold. And you can also leave your mesh tank tops and shorts at home because the temperature should be in the mid to high 70s. Not too shabby.

Speaking of just right conditions, here's another pic from our engagement photo session with Katie Day.

I just told another hilarious joke.

That was a fun day, September 18 should be even better!

Wolf Awareness

Just as a heads up, several members of my wolf pack will be present at the wedding. Do not be alarmed. They mostly mean no harm.

Some play guitar, some shoot lasers from their mouths.

I'll be sure to keep everyone informed, wolf-wise.

Love Songs

Here's another jam for you to enjoy. It's definitely in my top 1,000 favorite songs of all time but I'm pretty sure it's Lauren's number 1. Robert Sylvester's ode to automobile machinery and friendly get-togethers "Ignition."

Just because you like a song doesn't mean you have to know all the words to it. According to Lauren, at 1:27 in the song the words are "Chris stop popping in the stretch elevator." You be the judge.

R.Kelly - Ignition Remix
Uploaded by mysterieuse69.

Sounds right to me.

Bear With Us

Fact: Bears are scary.

Don't be fooled. They may look cute and cuddly but they will attack you at the first chance they get.

Bears especially love babies and mittens.

Lauren has an expression she always uses - "the only good bear is a dead bear." She says it all the time, sometimes for no reason at all.

Check out this pic of us standing in front of a glazed grizzly. It was a great day for Lauren!

Boo Boo took the picture for us.

This picture was snapped at the luxurious Cheshire Lodge in St. Louis, a 6 out of 5 star hotel.

Here's another frightening bear pic for good measure.

Yowza!

To the Extreme!

Light bulb! I just found the most perfect extreme activity for Lauren and I to participate in after we're married. The North American Wife Carrying Championship!

The annual event takes place in cozy Sunday River resort in Maine every October. Oh boy, get excited!



Winner gets the wife's weight in beer, a cash prize, and unlimited pride. Training starts now!

Number One Threat to Weddings

I've stumbled across some very disturbing footage of what I've deemed to be the number one threat facing weddings in modern day America. Fainting.

It's an epidemic!



Can anyone explain this to me? How can I protect myself and loved ones during my wedding? This is very concerning to me. I'm going to keep doing research and will report my findings.

Don't let fainting happen to you!

It's a Possibility

Lauren and I really need to get cracking on what we want to do for our honeymoon. There are so many options out there!

We could go lie on a beach at an exotic location, stay somewhere close to home, or save our money for a month long jaunt in Europe. Or we could do something totally more awesome.

The frontrunner in Lauren's book is a locale right here in Missouri...Branson! She's always been a fan of down home charm and world class shows and attractions.

"Hey there, lil' fella. Have you seen my dignity?"

Lauren's always been a fan of Russian humor...

"In Soviet Union, cold catches you!"

...and novelty hot tubs so we may have a winner here.

Featuring man-made bubbles!

If you can think of something more awesome, please let me know.

Lookin' Good, Feelin' Good

I was going to make this a secret surprise (redundant?) for Lauren but I thought it would be fun to share the big news. I've stopped shaving in an attempt to grow a mustache by our wedding date!

But Paul, you say, the wedding is 3 months away. I know. I have sort of a mustache deficiency. It takes a while for my face fuzz to appear.

At this point, I hadn't shaved in 3 years.

When the big day comes around in September, I want to be in full bloom! Lauren's going to be so happy!

Oh yes, this will be great!

Ratings Gold

Imagine a room full of television script writers. Thick clouds of cigarette smoke hover near the ceiling. The faint smell of armpits and old pizza wafts about the room. The clicking sounds of pens against teetch, fingertips against a table, heels against the floor form a stacato symphony of unorganized noise. The deadline is quickly approaching and writer's block has gottne the best of the group. What to do, what to do.

Wedding episode!


















60% of the time, it works every time.

Stats Don't Lie

I'm going to drop some knowledge on your noggins from time to time. Why? Well, so you can have something to impress your friends, neighbors, and people you stalk, of course!

The US Census Bureau keeps track of many interesting statistics, a number of them surrounding marriage. Here's a taste:

Average Age for First Marriage:

Year - Men - Women

2003 27.1 25.3

1983 25.4 22.8

1977 24.0 21.6

1890 26.1 22.0

I can' t tell if this means anything or not. Probably not. My one guess is that people will start waiting until they're in their 30s or 40s to get married. Maybe someday people will wait until their late 70s to settle down. Only time will tell.

Happy Couple / Depends Commercial Audition

Stay tuned for more brain nuggets!

Almost Famous

I almost have a famous last name. Well, actually I already do. Daniel Defoe (little 'f' in the last name) wrote Robinson Crusoe, which then inspired the theme song to Gilligan's Island. Pretty cool, should be enough to hang your hat on.

Other famous almost relatives include Willem Dafoe (no thanks) and English footballer Jermaine Defoe (getting closer).

But it's not the the genuine article. My last name has a capital F, super-sized for extra emphasis on fun, freedom, and fulcrums! Capital F's or nothing at all!

I am OK with my last name being confused with one Mr. Ronnie DeVoe. Why? Because he's 33.3% of one of my all-time favorite New Jack Swing group - Bell Biv Devoe.

If there's a jukebox, you can be pretty sure I'm going to pay good money to hear this song:



And with some photoshopping magic, I can actually be part of the group!

It is meant to be.

I Don't Think This Ended Well

Do you ever find yourself in a interesting or bizarre situation and have the presence of mind to ask yourself, "How did I get here? What steps in my life have allowed me to arrive in this position?" I know I do.

Check this out:

Wrong carat, sweetie.

I'm going to go ahead and blame this situation on the dude who was trying to propose. "Oh, look at me! I'm so clever! I'm going to plant the engagement ring in my fiance's food! Because nothing could possibly go wrong and it will make for a great story to tell our grand kids! Hardy Hardy Har!!!"

Wrong.

Here's a picture of the same guy's dog. He hid his car keys in the dog's food dish. He's so clever!

To be fair, dogs will eat anything

My proposal to Lauren was plain and simple. I won't reveal too many details right now but it did involve the following: Arby's parking lot, homemade ring with googly eyes, BFF slap bracelet, fist bumps.

No drama, no trips to the ER, no problem.

They Are From France

Lauren is something of an intellectual, especially when it comes to comedy. She's a fan of the deadpan musings of Steven Wright and Mitch Hedburg. She'll laugh at the sophisticated quips from Tina Fey or Jon Stewart. She'll even chortle at a cleverly written comic strip. And sometimes, she just gets her jollies by laughing at adults pretending to be aliens.

Shut out at the Oscars

One of Lauren's favorite movies is the 1993 flaming train wreck Coneheads. What's the appeal of this nonsense? I don't know. I'm sure even Donald R. DeCicco couldn't explain it to you.

However, if that's the way she likes it, then I guess I'll be Beldar to her Prymatt. That's how I roll.

Family Ties

So this is what I'm getting myself into. Here's Lauren with Helga, Bjorn and Astrid - her Viking warrior family.

Insert horn joke here

Poor Lauren, the horns on her helmet are so small. She does have a shield though, although I'm pretty sure she doesn't know how to use it.

Also ran across this picture of one of her uncles.

Righteous sword, bro

Can't wait for the family reunions!

High in Tartan

So what's the deal with wearing kilts at weddings? Can anyone do this or do you have to be 100% Scottish? So many questions.

"My kneecaps are looking great!"

I'm not Scottish at all. However, during my extensive research on the subject, I wasn't able to find anything that said I couldn't wear a kilt to my wedding. So I guess it's up to the individual if they want to look like Flintheart Glomgold on the biggest day of their life.

"With this kilt, I do thee wed..."

Yes, I just made a reference to Duck Tales. That show was epic.

Love Songs

This song is especially meaningful to Lauren and I. On many cold nights, we would lay in bed together, gazing into each other's eyes as our embraces grew tighter. I would sing this song over and over to Lauren. After its completion, Lauren would urge for an encore in hushed whispers, overtaken by its power and gravitas. My shrill vibrato rattling her eardrums and shaking her spirit to the core.

I present to you, The Darkness "I Believe in a Thing Called Love":



This lead singer's got some pipes! And quite the lovely hair too. We have so much in common!

Not Anytime Soon

Lauren and I recently got started on our wedding registries. She had a lot of good ideas and so did I. Or at least I thought I did.

I guess Lauren's idea of what is practical differs greatly from mine. Check out what she said "no thanks" to:

The future of hat technology!

There are many obvious reasons why this is a great idea. If both of us are at a public event, say a wine tasting, gallery opening, or Renaissance Fair, and get separated - Boom! We will easily be able to locate the other one. So practical!

Whatever. So if you're shopping for gifts for us and run across a "Buy One, Get One Free" offer on these little piglets, just keep walking. We're not interested.

Nights to Remember

I've spent countless man hours and stacks of money during my courtship of Lauren. Believe me, it took a lot of convincing. I thought it would be nice to share some of the dates that we've had together.

We normally don't look for the traditional dinner and a movie type date. We like to experience different cultures, ideas, and events. And sometimes, we're in the mood to see tractor pulls.

Check out the pictures from the night Lauren decided she wanted to marry me:

We were both thrilled to be there

No cars were actually harmed during the event

It's seems like just yesterday we realized we should have brought industrial strength ear plugs. Ah, the memories.

Buff and the Stuff

There are only 15 weeks until the Big Day! This means I need to kick my weight loss plan into high gear. Per Lauren's suggestion, for the past few months I have been subsisting on a diet of roots, forest berries, walrus cheese and dehydrated water composit. In addition, I have adhered to a strict exercise regimen of 20,000 daily crunches in an oxygen deprivation tent, one-fingered push-ups and pull-ups, and timed 1,000 yard sprints. I should be looking pretty fit!

Lauren is my conditioning coach. She's firm, but fair. I deserved most of the beatings I got! For those that haven't seen me in a while, I pretty much look like a combination of these two beefcakes:

Belly buttons not included

Just as an FYI, I'm going to try and keep all of this weight off after the wedding so there will be no sweets served at the reception - just Zone Bars and Gatorade.